Rods and cones (you know how we roll)

I've been getting a lot of criticism about my last few posts. "Ian," some say, "are you under the impression that your audience is composed entirely of blind people? There's very little visual stimulation lately, and so many of your posts are in braille and/or similarly coded gibberish." And so I says to Mable, I says, "Fear not, goodly sighted people! Much like those who hunger for food only to find that their eyes are bigger than their stomachs, so too shall your urgent need for ocular satisfaction exceed the capacities of your rods and cones!"

My apologies for the delay in updates. I've been hard at work getting a new template designed for this yonder blog, as well as a new logo and permission to add music from here and there. Until all of that happens (which will be tomorrow, when a Dr. Dog track or two is added), just sit tight and think happy thoughts. Hey -- are you thinking about Indiana Jones, too? Are you thinking about how awesome it is when he punches Nazis and makes that "what ever happened to corporal punishment" paddle-on-wet-cement sound? Are you thinking about how it's even more awesome when the Nazis let loose that blood-curdling scream before their timely deaths?
You're not alone. That scream is known as the "Wilhelm Scream" and has been used in countless films (or exactly 112, if you must know) since it was first recorded in 1951. And thanks to prolific sound editor Robert Burtt, it made its way into most of the films I grew up watching. The scream itself was probably recorded by Sheb Wooley, the world's last living mammoth whose "Flying Purple People Eater" made 1958 that much goofier. Check out the compilation below and pick your fave (mine is from "Howard the Duck," of course):

And while on the subject of "Star Wars" and George Lucas' excessive use of the Wilhelm Scream, enjoy this thorough deflation of his Empire's pomp and circumstance:

Keep your eyes glued to the screen as we move onward and upward to my three favorite topics: nerdy English major curiosities, tributes to facial hair and famine relief. First, the interrobang. "Egad!" you say. "We may quibble over the use of waterboarding, but interrobanging is never okay!" No no, this blog is expressly non-political (although if it weren't, cartoons like this might appear on occasion, courtesy of marriedtothesea.com):


The interrobang is actually a combination of an exclamation point and question mark. Apparently it was a very hip character in the 60s (like Steve McQueen), but proved to be only a passing fad (like Engelbert Humperdinck). It's perfectly harmless, unlike Laughing Bullets (first cousin to both the Gay Bomb and Giggling Scimitar).

All of these weapons are of course powerless when wielded against a fine mustache. "But where can I find an emporium of fine mustache examples, so that I might prepare a proper defense?" Try Mustaches of the Nineteenth Century, but first heed this warning:

Dear Gentle Reader,
Many of the following pages have graphic and clear images of the masculine mustache in all its forms, both sublime and grotesque. My intent is not to shock or titillate, but merely to inform on the subject. The Nineteenth Century gave us many things, but above all it was a hotbed of facial hair experimentation and this is but a poor sampling of those many lost forms.

The glossary of terms alone makes this blog worth your time, and as a founding member of the Fredonia/Dunkirk gang "The Beards" (which defeated the dastardly "Whales"...see below), I fully endorse its Mission for More Mustaches.

And finally, visit Free Rice.com if you like having your brain and vocabulary teased, tested and ultimately soothed by the knowledge that your supplying grain upon grain of rice to a hungry person somewhere. What do "begird" and "doyen" mean? Only you and your rag-tag group of rice-hungry mercenaries can find out!

So, have I whetted your eyes' appetite for destruction and human flesh? (I have a rare form of dyslexia that results in my confusing eyes with a zombie version of Guns 'N Roses -- and yes, the zombie version does include Buckethead). Check back tomorrow for some Dr. Dog downloads and more.

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Currently listening to: Nicolai Dunger "RÖSTEN OCH HERREN"

Currently reading: Jack Spratt Investigates: The Big Over Easy by Jasper Fforde